All He Did For Me
by Clara A. Rose
Summary: Arthur's eyes widened, focusing on Merlin's chest. "Merlin, what hap-" Arthur's eyes darted around, instantly taking in what had happened. The enemy queen with her hand still outstretched to shake Arthur's. The archer, standing in the shadows, lowering his bow after his shot went amiss. And the archer's arrow, clearly meant for Arthur, now buried in Merlin's chest. Character death.
1. Chapter 1

**Unfortunately, I do not own Merlin. I would like to thank the actors in the show, because I would feel a bit weird if I didn't, since they are the ones doing the acting, creating the characters and all. **

The impact hit Merlin in the chest like a boxing glove. The world spun, and Merlin had to make an effort not to fall over. He was clumsy at the best of times, and this certainly wasn't helping his balance.

Arthur turned, glaring at Merlin. He started to snap, "Merlin, why the hell did you push m-"

Then his eyes widened, focusing on Merlin's chest. "Merlin, what happ-" Arthur's eyes darted around, instantly taking in what had happened. The enemy queen with her hand still outstretched. The archer, standing in the shadows, lowering his bow after his shot went amiss. And the archer's arrow, clearly meant for Arthur, now buried in Merlin's chest. Around the shaft, Merlin's shirt was dark with his blood.

Arthur caught Merlin as he began to crumple. He lowered him to the ground. All around them, as Arthur's knights absorbed what had happened, and the enemy realized their trick had gone wrong, a battle started to rage between the two sides.

Arthur tugged the arrow from his friend's chest as gently as he could. It had struck him right below the heart. Merlin was losing a lot of blood. Too much blood. Arthur felt sick. He didn't know why. He'd seen blood before, thousands of times. But this time was different. Because it was Merlin.

Merlin could hear a steady pounding sound in the back of his ears, like the beating of a drum. It was starting to drown out all other noises. Except for one.

He could hear Arthur, somewhere above him, saying, "Merlin, wake up, you have to stay awake." It wasn't the words that intrigued Merlin, it was the tone. Somewhere between desperation and. . . was that pleading?

Merlin forced his eyes open and took a shallow, shuddering breath. It took a surprising effort. Arthur's face swam into focus above him, his brow creased with worry. "Merlin, oh thank God." Merlin was marginally surprised to hear the fervent relief in Arthur's voice, but he was slightly pleased as well.

"We have to get you to Gaius," continued Arthur, starting to stand up. "I refuse to let you die."

Merlin almost rolled his eyes, but all of his effort was being focused on remaining conscious. "Arthur," he muttered scratchily, "Don't be ridiculous. We're hours away from Camelot. I don't think I've got more than. . . a few minutes."

"No," said Arthur fiercely, "No, Merlin, you are _not_ going to die."

"You're a liar as well as a prat." breathed Merlin. "Listen," he said, as Arthur showed signs of protesting again, "Listen, when you get back to Camelot, do this one thing for me. Ask Gaius. . . ask Gaius to tell you about magic. Tell him I told you to ask."

"Merlin," said Arthur, confused, "What are you talk-

"And one more thing," said Merlin, almost tiredly. "When you get a new manservant. . . make sure it isn't George."

"I'd never hire that clotpole. He's even more of an idiot than you are."

Merlin managed a half-hearted smile, though it was only a shadow of his old grin. The little color still left in his cheeks was fading. "And Arthur? I know you always insist you're the one giving the orders, but I have one last one. . ."

Arthur searched his eyes. "What is it?" His voice broke on the word 'what'. This couldn't be happening, Merlin could not be lying in front of him, slipping away.

"You are not allowed-" He broke off in a fit of coughing that felt like it was breaking him in half, but he determinedly forced himself on. "You are not allowed to blame yourself for me dying. It was not-" Merlin's voice was starting to fade. "Not your fault. I made my choice, and I'd make it again in an instant." He was struggling to breathe, but he looked up at Arthur, his expression as heart-breakingly earnest as ever. His eyes were steady despite the irregularity of his pulse.

"Goodbye, old friend." murmured Arthur. Merlin smiled faintly, and his breath came out in a tiny huff. His eyes fluttered closed. The little tension still in his body left it, and Merlin slumped silently against Arthur, his head lolling limply to one side.

Arthur set the body of his oldest, truest friend down, but he remained kneeling by Merlin until the battle had ended, which wasn't long. Camelot's knights were more than a match for the ten or so servants Queen Alicia had been able to muster up.

Leon put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. Gwaine pulled him to his feet, his expression unusually serious. Arthur straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath. "We ride back to Camelot in the morning." Arthur was surprised at how shaken he sounded. Well, he _was_ shaken, he thought indignantly, he had a right to sound it. Realizing that he was being defensive with _himself_, he shook his head and said, gruffly "May I have some time alone?"

The knights respectfully left him alone, probably to be alone themselves. Each and every one of them had been friends with Merlin as well. Leon, Elyan, Percival, and especially Gwaine and Lancelot. It would take time to process that Merlin was really. . . gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur woke up the next morning feeling the cold in his fingers and toes. He had his mouth open to yell for Merlin to fetch him another blanket before he remembered. The arrow. Merlin pushing him out of the way. And Merlin's death. Merlin's death. He was dead.

Arthur pushed himself up into a sitting position, the pain of it all rushing back. He glanced over to make sure that he hadn't made it up. Someone had dragged Merlin's body off, but some of his blood was still there on the floor. It made Arthur shudder just thinking about it.

Arthur glanced around and realized, with a start, that he would have to saddle his own horse. He did, but after so many years of Merlin doing it for him, his fingers were clumsy and slow at the job.

Riding that day, everyone was silent. No one wanted to look at the body lying across the front of Percival's horse. It hurt too much.

When Arthur did look at Merlin's body (It felt alien in his mind, thinking that. Merlin's body. . .), he was all too obviously dead. Arthur wished he still looked like himself, at least then he could have pretended that Merlin was just asleep. But he was too still. Even when Merlin was asleep, he was never still, always fidgeting, twitching, or muttering. But he wasn't moving at all now. Because he was dead.

Arthur slumped forward in his saddle, resting his aching head against his horse's neck. It was all too much to take. He looked up. He could see the castle in the distance. He didn't want to go there. He didn't want to face his father, and even less did he want to have to face Gaius.

Gaius! He sat straight up again, the worry, apprehension, and dread pulsing through his veins. And underneath it all, the sadness that was the absence of Merlin. But what was he going to say to Gaius? Merlin had been like a son to him. Gaius was his guardian, he would tell Merlin's mother.

And Gwen would know as well. Merlin was like a brother to her, as he was to Arthur. No- as he _had been_ to Arthur. Past tense. Because Merlin was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Unwillingly, Arthur looked back at Merlin's too still body and a tear streaked down his cheek. He surreptitiously wiped it away, before anyone could notice.

Lancelot rode up beside him. Arthur couldn't look at him. Here was yet another person who would miss Merlin. And probably blame Arthur for his death.

Lancelot spoke in a low voice. "Arthur. . . it wasn't your fault."

Arthur didn't know what to say. It _was_ his fault. Every single _what if_. _What if _Arthur had noticed the arrow? _What if_ Arthur had listened to Merlin when Merlin said he didn't trust Queen Alicia? _What if_ Arthur had refused to let Alicia bring her men in while they were bargaining? _What if_ Arthur hadn't forced Merlin to come along?

Lancelot looked as though he knew what was going through Arthur's head. "Merlin told you it wasn't your fault. Remember? He said it was his choice and he'd make it again."

"You heard?"

"I was the only one. Well, I think Gwaine may have heard part of it as well."

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. Merlin had always teased him about that, about how he pinched his nose when he was exasperated. It hurt to think about him. Everything hurt, now. Not physically. Physically, Arthur had never been better. But everything around him reminded him too much of Merlin. Everything, from his shirt, (which Merlin had had to mend, and complained for hours about), to his knights, (all of whom were Merlin's friends), to the still version of Merlin draped over Percival's horse.

Lancelot continued, softly. "If anything. . . it's my fault."

Arthur exhaled. "Don't be stupid, Lancelot." he said tiredly. "How could it possibly be your fault?"

Lancelot's voice dropped another notch. "If you remember, sire, I was standing on your other side. If I had only noticed quickly enough. . ."

Now Arthur did look at Lancelot, incredulously. "You're blaming yourself because Merlin d-died for me instead of you? That's ridiculous." He stumbled a little over the words 'Merlin died'. Then he frowned. He was the crown prince, he didn't _stutter_! But it seemed he had all the same.

Lancelot looked at him in his quiet, solemn way. "No more ridiculous than _you_ blaming yourself."

Arthur saw his point, but he wished he didn't. He almost wished Lancelot had loudly accused him, instead of quietly reassuring him. At least if he were yelling, Arthur would have an excuse to yell back. This deafening silence was driving him crazy.

If Merlin had been there, he would have been riding next to him, making sarcastic comments about one thing or another. He would have called Arthur names, and Arthur would have called him names back. The knights would be laughing and egging each of them on in turn, maybe occasionally throwing a bit of mud at them to liven things up.

Thinking of the familiar scene made Arthur's insides ache. Just yesterday he had been in that familiar routine, complaining about it. And now he would have given almost anything to see Merlin alive again, or hear him throwing insults about Arthur's thick skull or his patronizing attitude.

Arthur made up his mind then and there. He would never have another manservant. He never did. He decided, in that moment, that if he couldn't have Merlin, the worst servant and the best friend ever, he wouldn't have a servant at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Gaius hurried up to them the moment they entered the courtyard. He was examining a bottle full of a bluish liquid. "Merlin," he said, without looking up, "I thought I told you to deliver this to Lady Mia's chambers yesterday morning. . ." He looked around for Merlin and came up blank. "Where's-"

Everyone's expression must have said it all. Gaius's mouth opened and he said, almost inaudibly, "Oh," He looked around again, this time taking in Merlin's limp, lifeless form on Percival's horse.

Arthur slipped off his horse and put a hand on Gaius's shoulder. Gaius said, without looking at him, "I think you better tell me what happened."

Gaius started towards his chambers, and Arthur followed. He owed to Gaius, if not to Merlin, to tell him firsthand what happened. And what Merlin had told him was tickling at the back of his mind. He had told him to ask Gaius about magic. And Arthur fully intended to.

When they reached his chambers, Gaius pushed Arthur into a chair and sat down opposite him. Arthur took a deep breath and started to tell him what happened. When he got to Merlin's last words, his throat closed up and he had to stop talking and concentrate on not choking.

When Arthur had regained use of speak, he looked up at Gaius. "So," he said, a little hoarsely, "I'm supposed to ask you about magic. Merlin told me to ask."

Gaius sighed deeply. Never before could Arthur remember him looking this old. He started to get up, then gave up on it and just slumped back down in his chair. He looked down at his hands. Arthur saw a tear slide down his cheek and respectfully looked away.

Finally, he took a deep breath and looked back to Arthur. He had stopped crying, but his eyes were still slightly damp. "Arthur," Gaius began, "There was something Merlin always wanted to tell you, but never got the chance to."

Arthur frowned, thinking hard. "But why would he say about magic. . ?"

"Merlin is-" Gaius stopped, and with an almost physical effort, corrected himself, "Merlin _was_. . . a warlock."

Arthur stared disbelievingly at Gaius. "That's- what?" This was ridiculous, Merlin couldn't be a warlock, he couldn't be a sorcerer, he was too. . . friendly. Too cheerful. Too annoying. Too. . . Merlin-y. Sorcerers were evil, he'd always been told that. Sorcerers were malicious, nefarious, conniving. And Merlin was. . . not. But Gaius was dead serious. Arthur stared at him.

"It's true." said Gaius.

Arthur continued to stare at him. Finally, he said, "Okay, so say Merlin _was_ a sorcerer. Why didn't he just save himself using magic?"

"Merlin was a warlock, not a sorcerer." corrected Gaius.

"You didn't answer my question."

Gaius paused before speaking. He looked down again, then looked up with a slightly pained expression. "Magic. . . it's a strange thing. It doesn't work like that. Each magician has talents, and Merlin was the most talented of them all. But. . . Merlin was always horrible at doing spells on himself. And, of course, there's always the point where. . ." He swallowed. "Where there's no turning back. Where even magic can't save you."

Arthur let out a puff of air. "Merlin. A warlock. Are you really serious?"

"Completely. And not just any warlock. Merlin was by far the most powerful warlock I've ever seen." His voice shook a little on the past tense, but was otherwise steady.

Arthur leaned back in his chair, utterly exhausted. "But why, _why_ didn't he tell me?"

Gaius shrugged. "He didn't want to put you in that position."

"I wouldn't have executed him." protested Arthur. There wasn't even a question in his mind. There was no way he could have executed Merlin.

Gaius nodded. "Merlin knew that. In fact, he was far more sure of that than I ever was." Gaius glanced at Arthur, a bit guiltily. "But he knew you would view his magic as a betrayal, even if you accepted it. He didn't want you to have to go through that again.

"Then why did he do magic in the first place?"

"He was born with it. He couldn't help it. Merlin didn't practice magic, he _was_ magic. It is- It _was_ a part of him."

Arthur had his mouth open to interrogate Gaius some more, but at that moment, the door flew open and Gwen burst in. "What's happened- I heard- Merlin- Is he. . .?" She took in Gaius's red eyes and Arthur's grieving, slightly lost expression.

Gwen clapped her hands over her mouth. "No," she mumbled through her fingers, "No, no, no. . ." She sank onto the nearest bench and stared at her lap, shaking her head. Though her head was bent, Arthur saw a couple tears fall into her lap.

He stood up. It was hard. He felt about a thousand years old. He sat down beside Gwen and hugged her. She leaned into him gratefully and buried her face in his shirt. He stroked her hair, making soothing noises, as one would an upset animal. Eventually Gwen's sobs quieted, but she kept her arm around Arthur, maybe as much for his sake as for hers.

He envied her her tears. She could cry, and everyone would sympathize. He, Arthur Pendragon, couldn't cry, at least not in front of anyone, and certainly not in front of even one of his subjects. It would be considered weakness, he knew, and weakness, his father had always told him, was to be avoided at all costs.

"It's okay, Arthur." murmured Gwen, as though she knew precisely what was going through his head. "It's fine." She looked up at him just in time to see him starting to brush away a tear. As if in response, her eyes started to water a little again. She impatiently rubbed them with the heel of her hand.

She took a deep, fortifying breath and stood. She smiled, and ruffled Arthur's hair like he was years younger than she. "I should get back to work," she told him, and walked out.

Arthur stood too, feeling a little shaky now that Gwen wasn't there supporting him. "I should go too." he said to Gaius. It came out a little sharper than Arthur meant it to, and he winced. But he went back to his rooms, without looking back, as his father had always instructed him. "_You are above them."_ Uther had always said, "_Never forget that."_

When Arthur reached his chambers, he flopped on the bed. He didn't feel much like doing anything. It was like his world had turned into a an endless, dull, gray void. Arthur rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a bit. "Why?" he whispered to the nothingness, "_Why_, Merlin, did you have to go and get your stupid self killed?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay. Be patient. I'm getting to the good bit. Just wait for it. **

Arthur went on like that for a couple months. Not that he noticed. Every day seemed exactly like the last, everything seemed black and white. He couldn't bring himself to care about anything, much. Any spark of happiness was quickly replaced with one of guilt or blankness.

Gwen cornered him one day after practice. "Stop that." she demanded.

"Stop what?" he asked dully.

She slapped him. Arthur stared at her. "What was that for?" he said incredulously.

"You're so-" She paused, thinking for the words, "You're being- You're acting like you can't feel anything so that you won't have to."

"I have no idea what you mean." Arthur protested, "I can feel things." He pinched himself. "Ow. See? I felt it."

Gwen shook her head. "I don't mean feel like that. I meant feelings. Ever since Merlin- since Merlin died, you've been cut off from- from everyone. You don't speak unless you have to, you're distant with absolutely everyone, including your knights, and you never, never laugh."

"I laugh." said Arthur, though now he thought of it, he couldn't remember laughing since. . . well, since Merlin died. Felt like forever.

"Well, if you have, it sure hasn't been while I was around." retorted Gwen.

"No one's said anything funny." Arthur was grasping at straws, and he knew it. Gwen pursed her lips. Arthur sighed. "I don't know what else to do. It feels like half of me is gone. I just have to keep going, but nothing ever happens. Nothing seems funny. Nothing is interesting."

Gwen wrapped her arms around him. "That's called grief, Arthur."

Arthur rested his chin on the top of Gwen's head. " I _know_ that, but it doesn't help. I just. . ." He sighed. "I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Merlin."

"Of course you do." said Gwen. "You feel like you have to act tough in front of everyone, because you're the leader, and a knight. But you know, you can show feelings in front of people. It doesn't make you weak. Believe it or not, your father was not always right."

Arthur managed a chuckle. "Too right. Actually, if my father was always right, Merlin would have died years ago."

"And why is that?"

"He was a warlock." He saw Gwen's raised eyebrow and asked, "Didn't Gaius tell you?"

"Yes- Well, I suspected it even before that. Didn't you ever notice Merlin's ridiculous amount of luck? Whenever you two were together, branches always seemed to fall on whoever you were fighting. I wasn't sure, but it seemed pretty obvious. I'm just surprised you're not more surprised."

Arthur frowned. "Was it really that obvious? And what do you mean, 'not more surprised'?"

Gwen shrugged. "You were raised to hate magic. The way Gaius told it, Merlin was the most powerful magical person in a long time."

Arthur was slightly offended. "I could never hate Merlin."

Gwen sighed, leaning against the wall. "I miss him so much. I keep seeing things he would find funny, and then I realize I can't tell him. . ."

Arthur ran a hand through his hair. "I actually miss his complaining. I can't even-" A servant walked past and Arthur automatically straightened, his face returning to indifference.

"There you go again." said Gwen.

"I should go to bed," said Arthur.

He started to turn, feeling a twinge of annoyance and sadness that he was proving Gwen right. She called after him, "Arthur- just think about what I said, alright?"

He didn't answer, but he knew he would. Gwen was right. He needed to stop waiting. Not that he knew what he was waiting for. . . At any rate, he needed to get his life back together.

That might have happened, if not for the events of that night. That night, Arthur had a dream. He was somewhere, somewhere very familiar. With a jolt, Arthur realized he was standing where he had been when Merlin died.

Behind him, someone cleared their throat, and Arthur spun around, instinctively reaching for his sword, which wasn't there. Merlin was standing there, as skinny and scruffy as ever. A lump rose in Arthur's throat. Merlin shifted from foot to foot.

"Hello." said Merlin.

"Merlin?" said Arthur, "Where are we?"

"Well. . ." said Merlin, "We're in your dream. I don't know what it looks like to you."  
"It looks. . . It looks like the place where you. . ." Arthur's voice faded.  
"Where I died?" guessed Merlin, "That would make the most sense, I guess. It's the last place you saw me alive, so your mind associates it with me."

"What are you talking about?" demanded Arthur.

"I need to do me a favor."

"But. . . you're dead." Arthur pointed out.

"Yes," said Merlin. "But I need you to come. . . Well, here, actually. But for real. To where I died, I mean."

"Why?" Arthur asked.

"I need to talk to you." said Merlin. "I can't now, you're about to wake up, but if you were there, I might be able to."

"How are you even doing _this_?"

Merlin smiled. Arthur could feel sorrow and happiness welling up inside him all at once at that familiar sight. "Magic." said Merlin, in a tone that was obviously supposed to be cryptic, but came out just sort of whispery.

Then he winced, putting a hand to his chest, just about where he had gotten shot. Arthur moved forward to help, but Merlin waved him away. He looked a bit cross. "You might I'd be immune to pain, being dead and all, but no. It's not fair. Aren't there _any _upsides to death?"

Arthur snorted and rolled his eyes. This was so typically Merlin. . . He jolted awake to the sound of his own laugh. Arthur lay back in bed, trying to preserve the memory, but it was already slipping away. One detail stayed. Arthur was supposed to go to the place where Merlin died. Well, that was what he would do.

He sat up and got out of bed. For the first time in months, getting up was easy. Arthur smiled at that. If he left at lunchtime today, he could be there by breakfast tomorrow. He would, of course, have preferred to leave immediately, but Arthur had a feeling that his friends might want an explanation. And after so many months of distance, Arthur owed them one.


	5. Chapter 5

**And... I'm back!**

"Wait," said Gwen. "You had a dream? About Merlin?"

"I'm coming with you." said Lancelot immediately.

"If he's going," said Gwaine stubbornly, "So am I. No one is going to see Merlin if they're leaving me behind."

Gaius held up his hands to make everybody shush. "I think Arthur should explain everything from the beginning." He sat down and looked at Arthur. The others followed suit, even though Gwaine was sighing dramatically the whole time. Impatiently, Arthur recounted his dream. Again.

"Right." said Gwaine. "Let me get this straight. You had a dream about Merlin, who told you to come to the place where he died."

"Yes." confirmed Arthur.

"And you're going?" asked Lancelot.

"Yes." said Arthur, who was itching to leave already.

"And we can't come with you."

Arthur looked apologetic, or as apologetic as he could stand to look. "I really think this is something I have to do alone."

Gwen was indignant. "We're his friends, too."

"I never said you weren't."

"Arthur," said Lancelot. "I just think you should think this through. What if it's a trap?"

"Merlin wouldn't lead me into a trap," said Arthur, more confidently than he felt.

Lancelot hesitated, like he was about to say something he would really have preferred not to. "Arthur, I'm sorry. . . but have you considered that that might not be Merlin? It could be another sorcerer luring you there."

"No, I'm certain it was Merlin." said Arthur, "And 'another sorcerer'? How did you know about Merlin's

magic?"

"I found out just after I met him."

Arthur was annoyed and slightly frustrated. Was he really the only one who was too stupid to figure it out? Or was he just the only one Merlin thought he couldn't trust?

Arthur held up his hands. "I'm going, and nothing any of you say can stop me." Arthur started towards the door, then swiveled back to his friends. "Lancelot, don't follow me. Gaius, make sure that Gwaine doesn't follow me. Gwen. . . please." Arthur knew that if he ordered her not to follow him, it wouldn't do a thing. But maybe if he asked nicely. . .

She gave him a sharp nod. "Just. . . be careful, all right? You haven't got Merlin to protect you anymore. Promise me you'll come back in one piece."

Arthur gave her a little smile. "I promise, okay? I'll be fine."

She got up and kissed him on the forehead. "I'll hold you to that."

He smiled a little wider. "Bye, Guinevere. I'll be back in a couple days."

Arthur had his horse saddled in under two minutes, and without further ado, he rode off, into the forest, and closer, he hoped, to seeing Merlin.

Riding hard all day, Arthur was nearly to the place where Merlin died. He could only think of it like that. He was sure it had a name. . . but he couldn't remember.

Even with the possibility of maybe seeing Merlin, Arthur couldn't help but remember the last time he'd been riding on that path. On the official worst day of his life. Worse than the day Morgana betrayed them, worse than the day his father had forbidden him to see Gwen, worse than when his father died.

When the night began to fall, Arthur was only a couple miles from the place. He made it there just in time for dark. He looked around. No sign of Merlin. Thankfully, it'd been a long enough time that Merlin's blood had been washed away. . . if it'd been there, Arthur wasn't sure how he could stay.

Arthur looked around for Merlin. No sign. He wasn't really sure how this magic business worked. Arthur started to build a fire. By the time he'd finished, it was properly dark, and starry out. Arthur sat cross-legged by the fire, one hand on his sword, just in case Lancelot was right. Despite the fire, though, the cold was evident.

A couple of hours later, around midnight, Arthur decided to give up waiting. It was getting progressively colder, and Arthur was getting increasingly tired, especially after riding all day.

He settled down by the fire, though with his sword easily reachable. He stared into the embers, trying not to feel disappointed. What had he expected, that Merlin would just pop back from the dead for a visit? Or that it wouldn't be a visit, that he would stay?

Arthur shook his head at his own foolishness, his own stupidity. Despite himself, despite years of self-control, an unwanted tear slipped down Arthur's cheek and splashed onto the ground. Arthur didn't bother wiping it away. After all, it was like anybody could see-

"Wow." said an excruciatingly familiar voice from behind him. "And here I was thinking that no man was worth your tears."

**I know, I know, I'm evil! Sorry, I just ****_couldn't_**** resist!** **But more chapters coming soon, so don't worry. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Sorry it took me so long to get this up! I actually had it written three days ago, but I've just been so busy! I tried to make this chapter a bit more lighthearted, since the previous ones have been so angsty. This is the penultimate chapter. (Penultimate means second to last...)**

Arthur froze. He started to stand, slowly, partly because he was afraid of what he might see, partly because if he had imagined what he'd heard, he wanted to keep believing he had really heard it for as long as possible.

Arthur closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned around. His first thought was, _Oh, the idiot's still wearing that rubbish neckerchief. _His second thought was, _Oh god, it's Merlin! He's actually here. . ._ And his third thought was, _Wait, what?_

Because though Merlin was there, he looked almost. . . blurry. Almost like he was standing behind a heat haze. But it the night air was crisp and cold.

"Missed me?" asked Merlin cheekily.

Still more or less incapable of speech, Arthur squinted at his friend. It was hard to tell in the firelight, but if he concentrated, he could see the trees behind Merlin by looking through him. Not entirely there, then. Not back from the dead. Arthur had to ask, though. He cleared his throat. "Are- Are you dead?" he asked hoarsely.

Merlin looked a bit impatient. "You watched me die, you haven't seen me in months, and the first thing you say is 'Are you dead?'" He rolled his eyes. "Yes, _I'm dead_. Isn't stopping me talking you, though, so stop looking so alarmed." He crossed his arms, and Arthur wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Merlin mutter, "Dollop head."

"Sorry." said Arthur. Then he said, in a much deeper tone, "I'm sorry, Merlin."

Merlin scoffed. "For what? Being a prat? Not your fault. You were just born with it, I guess."

Arthur cleared his throat again. "No, I mean- Sorry for letting you die."

"_Letting_ me die? What, do I need your permission to die?"

Arthur was feeling distinctly awkward. He wasn't used to being the one who didn't know what to say. But his brain was still stuck on the words, _Merlin's here. _He opened his mouth to say something (he wasn't really sure what), but Merlin interrupted him.

"Listen," said Merlin, and some of the levity left his tone. "Arthur, I'm going to tell you one more time: You can't blame yourself for what happened. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Get yourself together."

In indignation, some of Arthur's mind came back into use. "Get myself together? Merlin, you're dead, and you're telling me to get myself back together?"

"Well, yeah." said Merlin. "I wasn't the one who spent three and a half months of his life not talking to anybody."

"You couldn't not talk for an hour if your life depended on it." retorted Arthur, easily falling into the familiar pattern of insults/banter with Merlin.

"My life can't depend on it." Merlin pointed out, grinning. "I'm dead."

Arthur couldn't really think of anything to say to that. Despite Merlin's rather lighthearted manner about it, his death was too fresh for Arthur to joke about.

Merlin saw Arthur's expression and faked a concerned expression. "You all right? You're not going to start crying again, are you?"

Arthur glared at him. "I wasn't crying." he said, though his denial was a clear lie.

Merlin sighed. His voice became a little more serious. "Arthur, I'm sorry I died- Believe me, I wasn't planning on it- but it's not the end of the world. Well, it kind of _was_ the end of my world, but it wasn't the end of yours."

Arthur sighed. "Merlin, it was my fault. You died because of me."

Merlin rolled his eyes again. "And we're back here again. It wasn't your fault." He sighed exaggeratedly, then pinched the bridge of his nose, grinning at Arthur. "See how ridiculous pinching your nose looks?"

"Merlin, I don't see how you can keep insisting it wasn't my fault." Arthur was getting impatient. Why did Merlin insist on being so. . . selfless and annoying!

"Two reasons." said Merlin. "One-" He ticked it off on his finger. "It is none of your business who I choose to sacrifice myself for. Two- That guy was disguised by magic. Impossible to notice unless you knew he was there or," He pointed at himself. "were a very powerful magician. And you fall into neither of those categories. I barely noticed him myself, and in all modesty, I was the very best. You couldn't have noticed him, so blaming yourself is pointless."

Arthur stared at him. "You're not serious."

"Dead serious." He grinned again. "Get it? Dead. . ."

Arthur stared at him some more. "It wasn't my fault. _It wasn't my fault_." He stared at Merlin another second, then burst out laughing, his first genuine laugh in months. It was less like an expression of happiness and more like an outburst of every emotion Arthur had stifled over the last four months.

Merlin watched him in fond amusement. "Lovely." he said. "You've finally gone insane."

Arthur wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, his shoulders still shaking with the force of his gales of laughter. When he could speak again, he said, "I have no idea why I'm still laughing," he said, grinning, "I should be sad."

Merlin cocked his head. "Why is that?"

"You're still dead."

Merlin shrugged. "Nothing you or I can do about that, unfortunately. Shame. But I've got the rest of the night to talk," He glanced up at the sky. "Couple hours, at least."

"Well then." said Arthur. "I think you need to explain exactly what part you played in each of our adventures. From what Gwen said, there've been a lot of falling branches I seem to not have noticed." He pointed at the ground beside where he was sitting. "Talk."

Merlin smiled. "Gladly. Prepare to be humbled, Your Highness."

* * *

They talked the rest of the night away. Arthur was slightly shocked to discover the sheer number of times Merlin had saved his life.

As the sky lightened, Merlin started to fade, and his form became progressively more insubstantial. Arthur found this out when Merlin got especially annoying, and Arthur chucked a piece of armor at him. The armor sailed right through him.

When the sun began to peek over the horizon, Merlin stood. Arthur stood too. He was almost glad that he couldn't touch Merlin, because if he could have, he might have hugged him, and Merlin would have teased him about it.

Arthur exhaled. "So. . . is this goodbye?"

Merlin smiled. "You know, this is the part where, if I wanted to sound all old and wise, I would say, _It's never goodbye. _But, Arthur, the thing is, it's actually kind of true. You might not see me, but I'll still be there."

Arthur wrinkled his nose. "As long as you aren't haunting me."

Merlin shook his head. "Not haunting. Not my style. Babysitting. Someone needs to look after you, and Gwen can't follow you everywhere, no matter how much she wants to."

Arthur smiled. After one night with Merlin, he'd smiled more than he had in almost four months put together.

"Be careful." said Merlin.

"I will." promised Arthur.

Merlin nodded in the direction of the castle. "Now, go. Gwen and Gaius are worrying about you. They'll want to hear all about this."

"What do I tell them?"

Merlin smiled and shrugged, even as his shoulders faded. "Whatever you want. Do I have to think of everything for you?"

"Goodbye, Merlin." said Arthur, with a finality he didn't feel.

Merlin waved a little. "Bye." he said, in a tone that could almost be described as cheerful. He sounded like he was only going away for five minutes.

While the last of Merlin faded away, Arthur gathered up his things and loaded them on his horse. He started to ride away. He looked over his shoulder, once. Merlin had disappeared completely. But Arthur knew he wasn't really _gone_.

**Only one more chapter after this! (Try not to cry.) Remember: COMMENT! I ****live**** for comments. Please?**


	7. Chapter 7

**First of all: I made it to 100 followers! Thank you! I'm so flattered, and you guys are amazing!**

**Arg! The very last chapter! Ready, set, read! (I tried to give it a happy ending...)**

On his way back from putting his horse back in the stables, Arthur spotted Gwen from across the courtyard.

"You're back early!" she said in surprise, but Arthur was already scooping her up in a hug. He spun her around once, then swept her into a kiss.

Gwen was understandably startled, as Arthur normally hesitated to even hold her hand in public, or in front of anyone besides Merlin, but she leaned into the kiss.

When they finally broke apart, Gwen asked breathlessly, "What was that for? What happened? Are you feeling alright?"

Arthur smiled. "I'm perfectly alright. Better, actually, I feel great. And, Gwen, I'm sorry for all those months I ignored you, but I'm better now."

"Obviously." said Gwen, still pleasantly shocked by his kiss.

"I have to go talk to the others," said Arthur, starting towards Gaius's chambers. "They'll want to know what happened. . ."

"Wait," called Gwen, "What did happen? Did you find Merlin? Arthur!"

But Arthur had already disappeared around the corner. Gwen sighed, in a happily exasperated sort of way. Arthur was back. The real Arthur. Then she hurried off to finish her chores so that she could rush down to Gaius's as quickly as possible.

Within five minutes, Lancelot and Gwaine had heard of Arthur's return and gone to Gaius's rooms, knowing that was where he would go first. By the time he got there (he had stopped off at the kitchens to get something to eat), Gwen, Gaius, Lancelot, and Gwaine were already waiting for him. Well, Gwen, Gaius and Lancelot were waiting. Gwaine was trying to balance a quill pen on the tip of his tongue.

"What happened?" demanded Gwaine, the second Arthur came in the door.

"You've got ink on your tongue." Arthur informed him.

While Gwaine tried to wipe the ink away, Gaius stepped in front of him. "Arthur, I think you had best tell us exactly what happened."

"Yeah!" interjected Gwaine. "If you value your life, princess. Did you find Merlin?"

"Well," said Arthur. "I think it was more that _he_ found _me_."

Lancelot sat forward. "So. . . what happened?" As always, his dark eyes were hard to read, but Arthur thought he saw a small glimmer of hope. He hated to crush it, but he had to tell the truth.

"Um." he said. "Merlin is definitely dead. . ." Lancelot slumped back in his seat and Gaius looked as though Arthur had taken away his last hope.

"But," continued Arthur quickly, "He isn't gone."

Gwen squinted at him. "Arthur, what do you mean?"

"He's sort of. . . Well, not really, but I don't know how else to explain it. For lack of a better word, he's a ghost. He stuck around because-" Arthur cleared his throat. "Well, he says he's babysitting me."

A second passed, and then Gwaine burst out laughing. "That's definitely Merlin." he said, flipping away the hair that had fallen in his face when he was bent over, shaking with mirth. "He always said you wouldn't last a week without him."

Arthur shook his head, smiling at Gwaine's laughter. "Apparently not. He told me everything. I can't believe I didn't notice before."

Gwen looked thoughtful. "Merlin, a ghost." she said, obviously trying the idea out inside her head. "Who'd've thought?"

Lancelot frowned, not so much as from unhappiness as from hard thought. "But. . . what does that mean?" he asked. "Will we ever see him? Can he see us?"

Arthur spoke before he had processed the words. "He says yes, he can see you, and no, you probably won't see him, but-" Arthur stopped, looking confused.

"What's wrong?" asked Gwen, seeing the puzzled look on his face.

Arthur paused before speaking. "I- He never told me that."

"So why did you say it?"

"I don't know." said Arthur honestly. "I just. . . I don't know."

Gaius stepped forward with a strange expression on his face. "Arthur, answer me this: When Merlin first came to Camelot, what was the first thing he did for me?"

Arthur shrugged. "How should I know? I wasn't-" He stopped, then said slowly, "He saved you. He saved you from falling off the balcony. He moved a bed with magic so you would fall on it."

Gwen stared at Arthur. "Arthur, how could you possibly know that?"

"I just. . . did." It seemed like an inadequate answer, but it was the only one he had.

Gaius said, "Arthur close your eyes and listen to your thoughts very hard. Ready?" He waited until Arthur did so, though sending him a quizzical look before he did. Gaius spoke softly, "Where did Merlin hide his magic book when you searched his room?"

"I don't- Under the covers on the floor." Arthur opened his eyes. He stared at Gaius. "How did I know that?"

Gaius just continued. "Arthur, listen very carefully. When was Merlin's mother's birthday?"

"June 11th." Arthur's eyes snapped open. "Did you hear that?" he demanded.

"Hear what?" said Lancelot.

"It sounded like. . . This is going to sound crazy, but I think I heard Merlin."

Gaius smiled. "No," he corrected. "Arthur, that isn't crazy at all. It's Merlin."

Gwaine chuckled. "So it is crazy, then."

Gaius glared at him and Gwaine slumped in his chair like a little boy who'd been told off. "It isn't crazy." said Gaius again. "Merlin's sending your mind information from his. He was always able to communicate physically, and this isn't extremely different."

Arthur looked at him skeptically, then sat straight up as he heard Merlin's voice say quietly, _If you had any of your own thoughts, that is. _

_Merlin? _thought Arthur, _Is that you? Or am I just insane?_

_Both, _came the reply, _But this is the Merlin bit talking, not the insane bit._

_Wait, _said Arthur, _I thought you said that you wouldn't be able to contact me. We went through that whole dramatic 'It's never goodbye' thing a day ago. You never said you would be popping into my head whenever you felt like it._

_I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it, _said Merlin, _Plus. . . I may have forgotten._

_Seriously, _said Arthur. _You forgot. _

_Well, it's clever now I've thought of it, _said Merlin defensively, _Also, this connection with you means that I won't have to stick around after you die._

Arthur was slightly flattered, though wary. _Can you read my mind, then? _

_Not anything you don't want me to see, _Merlin assured him, _Anything you want to keep secret, just will me not to find it. And I won't be here all the time. You aren't the boss of me anymore, and I personally think I deserve some days off._

_You were the one who stuck around as a ghost, _said Arthur, _That's still creepy._

_Maybe a little bit, _Merlin admitted, _Now, you should probably tell them what's going on. Or they'll think you're really and truly mad._

Arthur cleared his throat and looked around. His friends were watching him with varying degrees of concern. "Yeah." said Arthur. "It's definitely Merlin."

Gwaine scrutinized him. "How do we know you're telling the truth?"

_Tell him this, _said Merlin, _Tell him I've met his father, and he does seem like the sort of man who would treat his servants well._

Arthur repeated this message, and for a moment, Gwaine was silent, which Arthur considered a miracle. Then he nodded sharply blinking back what may or may not have been tears. "Yeah, that's Merlin."

_I've got a message for Gwen as well, _said Merlin, _Can you tell her this for me?_

Arthur turned to Gwen. "He says he has a message for you too, Gwen. He says. . ." Arthur paused, then repeated the words as they came along. "He says he's glad you chose Arthur, even though Lancelot is better looking- Hey!"

* * *

The people of Camelot were very proud of their king. Of course, there was a lot to be proud. Not only was he a great leader, and an inspiring man, but he seemed to have a number of unexplainable, rather extraordinary talents.

It was rumored that King Arthur could pick out a traitor at fifty paces. (_It's that one, _said Merlin, _Not the shifty looking one, the normal looking one. With the rubbish beard. Yeah, that one.)_

Women whispered that he could tell if a man was lying merely by looking at him. (_He's lying, _said Merlin, _He wasn't on guard duty. He spent last night talking with his sweetheart. Don't be too hard on him, though, they just broke up.)_

Children told of how he could fight a man blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. (_Left, _directed Merlin, _Right, left, up, left, down, right, right, up. Left. Your other left!)_

And everyone, absolutely everyone marveled at his loyalty. For despite being a busy man- the busiest in the kingdom, most of the time- he always found time for a special trip. Once a year, every year, King Arthur traveled to his best friend's grave, to pay his respects. And to say thank you.

**The End.**

**Tell me what you think! COMMENT! PLEASE! **

**I said please. . . **


	8. A Dumb Author's Note (Please Read It!)

**Hey, guys! **

**I'm sorry if I got you excited about another chapter and you came to check it out and ended up with a dumb Author's Note. I hate when authors do that, don't you? So I apologize for that.**

**However, I need you people's advice. I am seriously considering writing a sequel to this story, but I first wanted to make sure it would be welcomed. I know that sounds a bit selfish, or whatever, but I thought since there's no point continuing a boring or stupid storyline, I would ask. **

**If you don't think there should be a sequel, review and tell me so. Don't worry, I'm tough, I can take it. If you think there ****_should_**** be a sequel, let me know. And if you have an idea for what it should be titled (if you want a sequel) let me know that too. Anyway, my point is, I just want to if I wrote a sequel whether or not it would be appreciated. **

**So! Review, because I have no idea what you guys think otherwise! **

**Sincerely, **

**Fae Luna **


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